Feeling better.

I just did the prayers for purity, needless to say I was in deep. Or so I felt. Waging war against your own baser urges is a difficult thing, and nothing is more frustrating than flunking all of a sudden after a period of good success. Except, I suppose, not getting started at all.

But I feel...fresh, is the only way I can describe it. Confessing to God, saying the prayers, you feel alive, like you didn't realize you weren't alive before you ever did whatever it was you were confessing. Because you're always guilty, you're always doing something displeasing to the Almighty One, and admitting that cleans your soul. Being aware of how vile your sins are is a good thing, and it is in fact proof of the glory of God that we see this after having sinned, that we have a conscience, that we feel remorse, that we hate what we've just done. Not only that, but, exciting as it is for me, we become aware of just how ugly we really are in all ways, not just for the one thing we've done. Remorse for a big sin helps you see the ugliness of all the small sins, and confessing after something big is...well, I won't say better, because doing a big sin is awful, hellish actually.

But it is more complete, more sincere, because you really get it just how far from Godly you really are.

So thank you Lord, for giving me sincere repentance for my crimes, and thank you for your infinite mercy, more than anyone else I know, I need it.


Alexi the Sinner