The Finer Points
I wonder what it was that was different for me than for other people that I've known.
When I was younger, I was operating under an assumption that there were some things I simply wasn't going to have. In high school, the idea of asking a girl out was so absurd that I virtually never tried it. Certainly I was one of the geeks, there can't be any question of that, but even some of them, in spite of their geekish likes and dislikes were socially normative kids.
I feel the need here to make it clear that this is an attempt at a reflective analysis, and not a 'misery me' post or some kind of a bitch fest.
But the thing that I'm wondering is, where did I miss the finer points of how normal people do it? I was around them, I admired their functionality, and I wanted the relationships they had. So how did I fail to absorb their methods? Even today there are things absent from my life that seem to be normal in other people.
Logically it works out to being the sum of my non-normative likes and dislikes, and the fact that I've always been something of a loner. But being alone sucks for me the same way it does for anyone else (the hermits notwithstanding), so why didn't I adapt? Hell, animals don't put up with things that cause them pain, why in the hell didn't I change my patterns?
Operant conditioning works. If you put a rat in a cage and you electrify part of the floor the rat moves to the other side.
Part of me wonders this: Precisely what in the hell would I do if a single Orthodox woman showed up at my parish next week?
I know this particular hypothetical scenario requires some imagination but bear with me.
So lets say she shows up for liturgy and stays for the food afterwards.
I have to admit I'm stumped at this point because there is one thing I've learned. Painfully.
Eagerness is bad. If you look, smell, walk, talk, or act eager, you've instantly failed a one time only must-pass test. I have blown more than one first impression this way. Ruining a first impression is an un-fixable error. That person will never really be comfortable around you again, and they probably won't trust you either. This is Gospel.
So you have to strike the critical balance. You have to walk the knifes edge. You must somehow convey that you are interested, but not be eager.
How in the hell do you do that?
You don't ask someone on a date that you're barely interested in. Isn't it obvious that you must want the person if you ask them out?
I really, really don't understand this.
-Alexei
When I was younger, I was operating under an assumption that there were some things I simply wasn't going to have. In high school, the idea of asking a girl out was so absurd that I virtually never tried it. Certainly I was one of the geeks, there can't be any question of that, but even some of them, in spite of their geekish likes and dislikes were socially normative kids.
I feel the need here to make it clear that this is an attempt at a reflective analysis, and not a 'misery me' post or some kind of a bitch fest.
But the thing that I'm wondering is, where did I miss the finer points of how normal people do it? I was around them, I admired their functionality, and I wanted the relationships they had. So how did I fail to absorb their methods? Even today there are things absent from my life that seem to be normal in other people.
Logically it works out to being the sum of my non-normative likes and dislikes, and the fact that I've always been something of a loner. But being alone sucks for me the same way it does for anyone else (the hermits notwithstanding), so why didn't I adapt? Hell, animals don't put up with things that cause them pain, why in the hell didn't I change my patterns?
Operant conditioning works. If you put a rat in a cage and you electrify part of the floor the rat moves to the other side.
Part of me wonders this: Precisely what in the hell would I do if a single Orthodox woman showed up at my parish next week?
I know this particular hypothetical scenario requires some imagination but bear with me.
So lets say she shows up for liturgy and stays for the food afterwards.
I have to admit I'm stumped at this point because there is one thing I've learned. Painfully.
Eagerness is bad. If you look, smell, walk, talk, or act eager, you've instantly failed a one time only must-pass test. I have blown more than one first impression this way. Ruining a first impression is an un-fixable error. That person will never really be comfortable around you again, and they probably won't trust you either. This is Gospel.
So you have to strike the critical balance. You have to walk the knifes edge. You must somehow convey that you are interested, but not be eager.
How in the hell do you do that?
You don't ask someone on a date that you're barely interested in. Isn't it obvious that you must want the person if you ask them out?
I really, really don't understand this.
-Alexei
posted by Alexios at 10:08 PM
2 Comments:
Alex, your an introvert! So am I, and I had the same struggles. Maybe you shoud just go out on a limb and ask a girl out if your interested in her. If it doesn't work out, then maybe you have hads least made a new freind? Sincerity is an underated trait.
Finding someone that you're compatible with is hard enough even without strong restrictions on the type of person you can be with. You were a nice guy when I knew you, as I'm sure you still are. I'm sure you'll find someone suitable someday. Hope you enjoyed the whiskey.
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