How did I go for a month? I bet some people have started thinking I've abandoned the blog. In truth I have another web journal that I've been paying more attention to on a forum at a different website. But it's just not the Blog.
Well...lets see. I'm working on my mid term paper for my Psycholinguistics class. I hope I can wrap it up tomorow, I think I can, it's almost done now, but it'll take me a few more hours of concentrated effort, and I am unexcusably lazy, which means that may take me a day, but as soon as I sit down and actually do it, it'll be quick.
A friend from back home has made a dangerous choice. She's getting married, so she says. The guy... well, first and foremost he's not Orthodox, or anything close to it. Secondly, he hasn't actually done anything with his life. And third, she's got emotional scars that are making this decision for her. It's hard to watch, and I'd be lying if I said I'd prayed about it very much, but that's only because I don't pray enough in general, and, again, I'm badly lazy. But I have prayed about her.
I think she's never had the attention of a guy who took her seriously. This one sort of does, but he himself is not geared to a productive or challenging course with his life. He may or may not have a home at the moment. Needless to say her parents are upset. Wouldn't you be? But who would she listen to least of all? Them, of course. Part of the function of a parent is to take flack from the person you're trying to raise. But, if for one reason or another, the relationship becomes one in which mutual respect is lacking, nobody will listen to anyone else.
I turned her down myself. She never bothered actually asking me out, she knew I wasn't interested, but she insisted on maintaining all kinds of contact anyway. To my logic, this was self nullifying. Either be forthright about it, or let it die in peace. I made a huge mistake to that end, I forced her to aknowledge her feelings for me so the entire thing could be put to death quickly and not bother her anymore. I'm told, by litterally everyone, that this was a horrible thing to do to her. I didn't know, I hope I am forgiven. But it did have the effect of explicitly recognizing the truth and dealing with it that way. It got the job done, and nobody can question what did or did not get said. For me it would have been a relief to air it out and not have to keep it inside....::shrug::
In truth I had trouble drumming up much sympathy for her in that instance because she insisted on attaching herself to me. This incident took plae at a mall, after I had asked for directions so I could kill time between services on Pascha. She offered to go, I said I'd prefer to go alone, she insisted, I said no. She insisted again, and again...
Up till that point I'd avoided any situation where she
could do that. I remember thinking that if she wouldn't
not go with me, she came along at her own peril.
I'm a jerk.
A smarter man would have had a better way of dealing with it.
So anyway. She called me up a week or so ago and told me she was getting married. She knew what my reaction would be. Her pretext was that she wanted to tell me herself so that none of 'the guys' would have a chance to give me the story before she did. I think she actually made that up completely out of thin air. She knows I've never been in contact with anyone from our former mutual church, except by physically going there.
When I asked her about Orthodoxy, and the fact that Mr. X didn't belong to it, she hid behind the technicality that allows Orthodox to marry non-orthodox. Though personally I don't know a preist who would concent to performing the wedding.
I asked her about kids (though I supose if she's abandoning Orthodoxy for Mr. X then using birth control wouldn't be much of a stretch, but old habbits die hard. She might well still refuse to use it) and she said, (I quote verbatum) "Were going to let them decide for themselves."
That stunned me into silence. Everyone decides for themselves. You can't
make someone believe something, either they do or they do not choose to do it of their own free will. But to voulentarially not raise them in the One True Church of God, the Holy Orthodox Church, in order to give them the best possible shot at Heaven...I was aghast. I was horrified. I honestly think I'd prefer her to use birth control rather than to have a bunch of kids and not give them any guidance whatsoever in regards to the Church. They can always decide for themselves...but deliberately leaving them uneducated? Wow...
I have no idea what will happen. If she's desperate enough for human companionship to actually marry this guy, then she inherently lacks the
ability to understand that anyone who gets into a romantic relationship for the sake of being involved in a romantic relationship...is not in fact involved in a romantic relationship. Romantic attraction is
incidental. It either exists or does not exist on it's own terms, if two people have mutual feelings for each other by virtue of what they already are before they meet. If you deliberately hunt down a person just to have a person, that is a farce.
Like so many things in life, it can only be real if it is incidental to something which had nothing to do with it. Such as meeting someone at work, or at school. But oh well.
