Back and forth
Sinning makes me not want to go to liturgy...which is the only thing that helps prevent future sinning...
So how am I supposed to get any better if I don't go? What kind of logic is "I'll go once I've had a decent week".
It's bullshit logic, since (for the purposes of this hypothetical question) you ask. I won't get anywhere without going anywhere. Gee. That was catchy. And it was inane enough to be on a keychain.
I won't achieve a life pleasing to God and peaceful for myself without going to God and making myself his Son.
Nothing will happen while I fester here without changing.
Gandhi said: "We must be the change we wish to see in the world."
OK, if I want an Orthodox wife, then I have to be an Orthodox man. And not a whiny jackass.
The disheartening thing about that is that even if I succeed in not being a God pleasing not-whiny-jackass kind of man, it doesn't mean I'll get to get married. I just means it will be possible where it wasn't before.
I debate if I should write about this, but I will do it and hope it isn't wrong. For the first time ever a few weeks ago I prayed for God's will do be done in my life regardless of anything I wanted for myself. It was liberating.
I felt clean like I hadn't felt in forever. I haven't stopped wanting the things that I want, but...I'm beginning to make some progress on accepting God's will instead of my own. It's very, very hard. Please keep praying for me.
And if it's somehow possible that there is time left over after praying for my salvation, pray that I become a real Orthodox man in the process, and that I become qualified for those things that an Orthodox man might be granted. Whatever that be in the eyes of God.
Thanks, Alexei
So how am I supposed to get any better if I don't go? What kind of logic is "I'll go once I've had a decent week".
It's bullshit logic, since (for the purposes of this hypothetical question) you ask. I won't get anywhere without going anywhere. Gee. That was catchy. And it was inane enough to be on a keychain.
I won't achieve a life pleasing to God and peaceful for myself without going to God and making myself his Son.
Nothing will happen while I fester here without changing.
Gandhi said: "We must be the change we wish to see in the world."
OK, if I want an Orthodox wife, then I have to be an Orthodox man. And not a whiny jackass.
The disheartening thing about that is that even if I succeed in not being a God pleasing not-whiny-jackass kind of man, it doesn't mean I'll get to get married. I just means it will be possible where it wasn't before.
I debate if I should write about this, but I will do it and hope it isn't wrong. For the first time ever a few weeks ago I prayed for God's will do be done in my life regardless of anything I wanted for myself. It was liberating.
I felt clean like I hadn't felt in forever. I haven't stopped wanting the things that I want, but...I'm beginning to make some progress on accepting God's will instead of my own. It's very, very hard. Please keep praying for me.
And if it's somehow possible that there is time left over after praying for my salvation, pray that I become a real Orthodox man in the process, and that I become qualified for those things that an Orthodox man might be granted. Whatever that be in the eyes of God.
Thanks, Alexei
posted by Alexios at 10:48 PM
1 Comments:
I'll remember you in my prayers, Alexios. I hate to say it, because it is going to sound like a plattitude, but try to keep your will focused on doing the will of God. The worst temptation for me is for me to pray with the idea of getting God to understand why any given thing is best for me at any given time. In my case, that's years of Protestant Evangelical poison that is still pouring out of open wounds. It's hard focusing on what God's will is, and to stop listening to our own...especially when everything in modern culture tells us that we deserve everything we want. *sigh* Sadly, it's no more true now than it was in the Garden.
Again, I'll be praying for you.
-Justinian
Post a Comment
<< Home