And if you take away Delaware that leaves four...

....grad schools. I've determined that the Linguistics program at the University of Delaware is not what I want. I don't want a PhD in linguistics. I want it in Cognitive Psychology. That's what I am, a Psychologist, not a Linguist. In the realm of Psycholinguistics the two merge, but they take very different theoretical perspectives and are rarely interested in the same thing, though their research is, oftentimes, identical. So that leaves Michigan, Michigan State (which is sending me stuff), SUNY Buffalo, and Johns Hopkins. God only knows...

What else... OK, blackjack last friday netted me $125. I splurged and bought a refrigerator full of groceries. Seriously, I'm a single college guy living alone, this is major for me. In fact, I can't remember the last time it happened. Or if it happened at all...

Spiritually doing OK, not great but not bad either. Well, being that I'm human and I'm not eating one dry roll every three weeks in a hermatge on Mt. Athos and being visited by angels, I am by definition so horrible that only the fact that I am blind to how horrible I am is what keeps me sane. But all things being relative, I'm still floating along. I did have a nice awakening to the depth of my own wrechedness a couple of weeks ago though. I got a nice long, and very clear look at just how bad I really am. It was staggering, and sobering, and frightening. There is this abyssal chasam of awfulness that I've dug out of the landscape of my past, so vast in scope that I could not concieve of a way to repay it all, nor ever earn my way out of it. But everything the fathers say tells me that I ought to hold out hope. No matter how bad I've been theres always another chance to do it right. One of the desert fathers, when asked if a man could possibly lay a new foundation every day, answered that, "I believe, that with great effort, a man can lay a new foundation at every moment". I cling to this wisdom like a lifejacket. I try, and I fail, and I try and I fail. The enormity of my impurity and brokenness is staggering, but mercy and grace are infinite, and the giver thereof desires that I should be with Him unto eternity, and therfore when I ask for forgiveness, he eshews me with it, and when I ask for grace, it flows from him as far as the east is from the west and reaches even unto the edge of the pit I have dug for myself, offering me a bridge over which to cross.

Forgive me, Lord Jesus Christ, a sinner.

Alexey

Nobody ever comments on my Blog

Ergo all my thoughts and observations are perfect! Awsome! The reason nobody ever leaves me a message except when I'm acting like an ass is that those are the only times when my prose is less than celestial in it's quality! That or nobody is actually reading the Blog. But I am a much loved and admired semi-public figure in the community of Orthodox Bloggers, so that cannot be the case. I am also good looking and drink really good dark beer. Which is redundant, non-dark beer is, well... calling it non-dark beer is the strongest insult I can sling at it anyway so why bother? That being said let me waffle a little here and speak to the praises of both Fosters and Killians Irish Red, from the tap, I'm not a barbarian no matter what those central europeans my ancestors slaughtered by the thousands say.

What else?

I want you to know I sat here for a full minute fulminating in my own mental juices looking for something intelligent to say before it occured to me that I am, in fact, a guy. And am therfore neither capable of nor required to degin to say such things.

Where was I?

Ahh yes, the search for meaning amongst the infinite electrons of the Intarweb. Check please, reality has left the table and I shall be joining her soon.

Where was I?

Ahh yes, the search for a clever witticism with which to end this post. Heres one:

The road to a mans heart begins at his door. Seriously, were simple creatures that stopped evolving sometime during the last ice age. Just show up. Say you want us, and we basically nod, grunt, buy you stuff, and then ask for nothing other than your warmth and affection, and forgivness for not remembering to lift the lid.

That is all.


Alexey.


P.S. Friday is Blackjack night for me and a few friends. My grandmother gave me $50 with instructions to (and I quote) "Spend it foolishly". So wish me luck, maybe I can pick up dinner for my buddies if I win.

Lex.

P.P.S. Is Lex a cool nickname for Alexey?

P.P.P.S Or do you prefer Alex?

P.P.P.P.S I'm a little bored.

A-Lex-Ey (whichever you like)

So logically....

I just deleeted a long sleep deprived bumbling attempt to basically say that since I'm in the true church, the Orthodox church, and since all the persecutions of the past have been physical ones aimed at torturing and or murduring every Christian arround, I might just be both spared the temptation (as Christ says one of His churches will be as a reward for keeping His traditions), and I might not be put on a torture rack, since the final persecution will be one "Such as the world has never seen". Does this mean the Antichrist will somehow convince everyone that slaughtering Christians is OK, and having done so be a thousand times worse than even the comunists? Or does it mean that Antichrist has figured out that being subtle beats the heck out of being obvious and that if he never actually goes medieval on anyone but just wages psychological and sociological war, he'll sucker a lot more people out of the true faith than he could ever torture out of it.

My guess is that you'd get a lot more mercy for breaking under extreme torture than you would for being fooled by Antichrist somewhere along the line. So lets for the sake of argument allow that Antichrist (who's goal is our destruction) is aware of this. Now I could be giving him more credit than he deserves because I'm afraid of torture, but what if there isn't any? Torture that is.

The "author" Tim LaHay who has penned the sooooo sucky "Left Behind" series, has "informed" about a bajillion people that the persecution will be one of violence and slaughter (physical). So....wouldn't a crapload of fundamentalist right wingers spot it if that actually happened? Wouldn't the whole damn thing have to be really subtle from start to almost the finish? Because if it wasn't, wouldn't most of the world spot it? I need to read revelation again. But I think it's highly possible that we won't actually have our backs up against a wall physically. The difficulty of our times will be surviving the deception, and weathering the war of ideas, and the persecution of "liberalism" and "inclusiveness" etc... It will be harder for us to achieve salvation, because we probably won't actually die from torture or in a firing line which might as well be a direct ticket provided we are being killed for God. Only the really really faithful will be able to resist the social pressure, the societological torture to abandon our faith. A persecution such as the world has never seen. One where Christians are bombarded with universally accepted ideas that are so slick, and so wrong, but so totally un-opposed by the world, that they are actually in far more peril than any Christians before them, who were merely under the physical gun. I could be wrong, but I also could be right. I'm not sure what scares me more. Intellectualy I understand that I should be so blessed as to be tortured to death for God. Physically I'm scared of that but it would be the best possible of all deaths.

The possibility of a non-physical persecution is attractive from the "I'm scared of the torture rack" angle, but in reality, it probably puts my soul in a great deal more peril of eternal hell. So I don't know what to think. IT would be most comforting to think that it's going to be the latter (the non-physical torture) and that my church is the church form Revelation which is spared the temptation, which would be relatively smooth sailing. Going and hiding in the desert probably but more than likely no six week George Orwell's 1984 style torture sessions. What do you ask for? I'm scared of the physical torture which means I probably understand it better than I understand the psychological/societal torture and would be better off there, however afraid I am.

So God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, direct me to whichever end is better for me to bring me to an eternal fellowship with you. For I love you Lord, I would not intentionally abandon you or betray you, though I do so often by sinning, I do regret it all and ask your forgiveness. Lead me down a path of alms giving and charity, chastity untill marage and contrite thinking. Make my path a smooth one that I might not stumble, and stumbling over my own feet might right myself again in your strength and not stray into the fire, but walk upon the straight and narrow path unto salvation and eternal joy.

Amen.

Nativity

And his name shall be called, Wonderful Counciller, Almighty God - The Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace, unto us a child is born.

Well I looked really hard...

...and I couldn't find an Orthodox rule against gambing. That being the case, I tried it and I liked it. Well, I liked blackjack. Which I was good at, winning upwards of $250, part of which I used to buy a snazzy clock.

Had a blast. New Years was wild. Las Vegas is quite a town. The legalized prostitution is awful, the rest of it is actually quite cool.

Alexey the Sinner