I just can't bring myself to do it.

I'm not going to vote for president. Both candidates are horrible, horrible choices. Kerry for his willingness to say anything, and simultaniously claim to be Catholic while endorsing abortion and some form of Gay marrage, and Bush for his fascist Patroit act and illegal invasions of foregin entitys. I am however going to go and vote on the ballot issues, because I think those are important. And there, your vote really does mean something. Becides which, there are a couple of really good ones to raise tons of money for schools. Those need to happen, and I'll lend my vote to help them.

God forever watch over and guard this fool, your wretched servant. Speak in my heart that I might always know the way, no matter what.

Thank you for Everything, Lord. Amen.

Alexey the Sinner.

These things must needs be so

Persecution of Christians in America

Read, weep, be afraid, pray, be comforted, take joy, find peace. In that order.

Alexey the Sinner

It never fails.

Well almost never. Sometimes I'm up really late and I elect (badly) to just crash into a coma, no evening prayers. Often when this happens, I have some really fu*ked up dreams. Take last night for example. That was fun, it was vivid enough that I was convinced I was going to have to confess the real thing next time I'm able to make it to church up in Phoenix. I have got to raise the bar there and come up with a better prayer rule. That and going to bed earlier than 3:AM would probably help. Duh.

I'm a moron.


Alexey the Sinner.

Booze.

I miss beer. Vodka and Tequilla are fine beverages, but beer is just...well, it's beer, and I'm German. But I can't afford beer right now. Every dollar counts this month. I'm...sort of behind on my bills but not really. You see, I'm paid up on my Cable bill, but they (like usual) sent me a billing statement to the effect that I hadn't paid them much at all last month, instead of paying for two full months and my cable modem all at once like I actually did.

My electric bill, containing the spillover from my last apartment and the first months juice from the new place was $200. This, I believe, is from my failure to figure out the appliances in this place perfectly for the first few weeks. I paid $150 of it when the notice came that said I was overdue. They've not sent me another sayint they'll cut me off, so I think paying the last $50 can wait till I get some more money.

I've called in the final airstrike. The last of my college money is going to be on it's way as soon as I e-mail the family accountant and ask for it. I'm tired of having to scrounge. Oh, I'll have to do it again soon enough, but with my raise and increased hours, this three grand or so should last me almost untill the end of my lease if I use it wisely.

Mom and Dad will always help me if I ask for it also, I just hate to do that to them. Honestly, it never really occurs to me unless I'm totally up against a wall. ::shrug:: I've got a trip to Las Vegas coming up in a few weeks here. Big computer geek patry. They'll be almost 20 of us, it'll be one hell of a shindig. Four days in Vegas playing computer games with friends, not much better than that for me, given that I'm single.

Ahh yes, it would be nice to have a wife, and not be celibate. However I have discovered that celibacy truly is freedom. Seriously, you just don't worry about it anymore. And none of those feelings of self loathing that come from immersing yourself in porn for a few hours. I've been clean, I'm happy to say, since late June. Four full months at this point. Whoot!

Now I know why catholic priests are famous for taking a nip whenver they can. It's the only vice left open to them!

Let us pose a theological question, just to see if anyone is listning. Hi Fr. John!

Suppose (and this is a true hypothetical, it has not happened...yet) that you have a less than humanitarian supervisor at work. Suppose also that this person is abusive to you in some form. The Christian responsability is to take the abuse, and pray for him, because after all we want others to be forgiven their sins, because we want no one to end up in hell. We are also, not supposed to go to a higher authority (except God) and complain. We are just supposed to take the abuse.

First question: Is there a point at which the abuse is too much and you are spiritually justified in going to a higher (secular) authority? I've been told on very good authority that the circumstances under which you are not required to comply are when the orders conflict with Gods law or that of the state. Which, in reality, pretty much coveres any extreme circumstances.
Second question: Suppose this same supervisor is being abusive (but within the letter of the law) to another employee. The supervisor is aware of your religious beliefs and exploits them. He orders you not to reveal his abuses to his superiors. What do you do? My theory here is that not informing his superiors would be in violation of Gods law to protect others and so you should do it...but perhaps not. I can also see that it would be our duity to comply even with that. Since, after all, he may be abuising authority, but it is authority he does in fact have.

Third question: If you honestly feel that the best way of helping this malignant individual to correct their ways is to tell someone higher up the ladder about what he/she is doing, can you? If your concern is truly not for yourself, but for the bum that is riding you like a bull, is it not better to see him slapped down before he can get himself into actual, serious trouble?

Fourth question: What degree of information restriction is acceptable? If my supervisor asks me a question, and I know what he really wants to know, but I also know of a not untruthful answer to the question that will deny him the knowledge he actually seeks,, must I still give it to him? To put that into English: If he's a moron, but I know what he's getting at, am I obligated to reword his question for him so that he can exact the information he's actually trying to get?

I bring this up because it seems to be a talent I have (seriously here). I see someone at a loss for words, or not quite putting a finger on the concept they're trying to express, instantly grasp it, and then I have the option of explaining their thinking to them in the appropriate words. I admit to a visceral enjoyment of listning to someone posit a stupid argument, clarifying their own argument for them, and then crushing my own clarification of their argument just when they think I've agreed with thim. It's really, really, really fun. Crestfallen faces on iddiots...priceless. It's a vice of mine, one I've got to quit or answer for in front of the gates at the Dread Judgment. I have a liking for firing jokes over peoples heads, and watching them sail on by, without even being noticed, let alone understood. There is some bent appeal in the notion that they're never, ever, going to understand what was going on. Bad Alexey, seriously, thats a seriously bad thing to be doing.

Anyway, as a Christian, am I obligated to explain someone elses argument to them so they know what question to ask in order to make my life difficult?

Alexey the Sinner.

At long last!

Everyone needs to click on This Link.

Nuff said.


Alexey the Sinner

Feds wedding

Was awsome!

I was even asked to make a speech. I had thought about that maybe happening before actually going to the wedding. And it occured to me, and was agreed upon by Fed himself, that there are no publically appropriate stories about Fed. But I did get asked to make a speech just like I imagined I might. Fortunately I was able to improvise quite well, I settled on roasting my friend of many years. I'm told it was a good speech, but I was reasonably drunk and I don't remember much of it. I'd dearly love to see the video tape. People kept telling me afterwords, "Good speech!"

Alexey the Sinner

A ray of light

Looks like my challenge to Danielle may not have gone unanswered. She may have a job at some poitn in the future. In the words of Col. Klink "Veeeerey interesting!"

Alexey the Sinner

Wedded Bliss...Maybe.

Oye gevalt!

What would we do without Yiddish? My friend Fed is getting married on Saturday. I poked and prodded the big lug for years whenever he said he simply wasn't ever going to get married. So, like a jerk, when I prodded him about me being right and him being wrong, he cheerfully conceded that I was right and took the fun out of poking fun at him. Jerk.

So tomorrow (later today actually, it is almost 4:AM) is his bachelor party. They're going to a strip club. After, of course, hanging out at a friends house for an hour or so. The friend is a woman, and I don't doubt that the hanging out at her place is happening so she doesn't have to go to the strip club. Won't they be surprised...When I don't go either.

Well...I mean...It's not as though I could go, no matter how you spin it. I just - can't - do that. Or, more accurately, I won't. I suppose it is physically possible for me to do it, but not without ignoring everything I've ever learned about morality and God and what Christ is trying to teach us even now. Sigh... I hate ditching him. I've not seen him in months, half a year even. I really, really don't want to blow my buddy off after only an hour of hanging out with him. Unfortunately he's making a big mistake, and I can't walk off the pier along with him.

And he WOULD just pick something like this wouldn't he? Such a cliche! And so....Shitty. I mean C'mon. Does it take a genius to figure out that women who dance naked for tips at a bar aren't sexually...Normal. That just maybe most of them are sexual assault victims, and perhaps that's why they have not so many qualms about gettin jiggy wit it in public? Ergo to participate in their self degradation which stems from having been victimized not only sullies your hands and re-enforces the persons image of themselves as worthless (seriously, nobody with a strong sense of self worth does this), you perpetuate the original abuse that misguided them into doing what they are doing.

Fun!

I can commit six to eight different sins all at once and continue the cycle of abuse, or I can walk away from my friend, comrade, former roommate, and all around buddy. Which, of course, is what I'll have to do. Seriously, even if I weren't a believer in the Risen Christ, I think I'd avoid a strip club just on it's own (de)merits. From what I've heard, the women who dance in those places are borderline attractive at best, and the whole aura of the place just exudes skankism and is very...Ugly.

Lord, I honestly don't know what to do here. The thing is that I just cannot envision a way of telling the party crew that I'm not going, and then either A) Lying about why, or B) Effectively telling EVERYBODY IN THE ROOM that I think they're all doing something bad and want no part of it. Thus insulting, not only a bunch of people I don't know, but also a guy who was nice enough to invite me to his wedding even though we've not been hanging out much (just cause we lost contact) in the last two years.

It will be...Interesting. I'm seriously contemplating having someone call me on my cell phone about an 'emergency' that I have to attend to. This entails a risk though. If my acting is sub-par, I'll betray myself without the dignity of having been honest about it in the first place. Also, I'd doubtless be required to lie about it, or fess up to it, later on. So this leaves me with the option of going, and then leaving, and, when they inevitably ask me why, being honest.


Shit.

Believe me, I have no problem with not going to a strip club. They sound amazingly gross and nasty. I have a problem with snubbing my former best (and still very very good) friend. Also, I've not gotten off my butt to get him a wedding gift yet.

Ohhh yeah, that other dilemma. He's Catholic. So is his bride. More importantly, so is the wedding ceremony. Now, I endorse, believe, and avow as the absolute and unalterable truth, the Orthodox Christian faith. I think I can go to the wedding, as long as I have no part in it's actual operation and or conduction. My abstaining from it wouldn't send any messages, because nobody who goes there knows I'm Orthodox (not even the Groom, I don't think I've shared that with him yet). And not going would be horribly insulting, and disrespectful to a guy who is basically nicer than almost anyone I've ever met. So, when certain advisory parties read this blog entry, I'll be VERY interested in what you have to say about me going to the wedding. Presumably just attending is no problem, but if it is, let me know. I'll think of....Something.

And, in God's infinite cleverness, maybe not kill a friendship in the process.

Alexey the Sinner

P.S. As I spell checked this entry I discovered an ironic little quirk. Bloggers spell check software does not recognize the word...Blog.

AtS

Over the biggest hurtle

The GRE is behind me now. Was I prepaired? Good question. My Score was in the 99th Percentile on the verbal side, but only the 48th on the quantative (math). So I think I'll be OK in general. So Imanaged to tie Fr. John in that department almost, but not in the other. Oh well, I'm on track for grad school. Lets Roll.

Alexe the Sinner

A Ghost From the Past

Danielle. My former roommate. Has, aparently, returned to Arizona. And I admit that I'm scared.

Danielle had the following motis opperandi while I was living with her: Attach to a guy with some money, sleep with him and soak him for what he could provide. Move on when you get bored. The practical extention of all of this was that she didn't work for herself, and all her rent payments wound up coming from her ex-boyfriend back east who happened to be the co-signer on the lease. Poor guy.

So she calls me, out of the blue, and asks me: What's up? I continued the conversation in forced polite questions because I had nothing else to go on, I had no idea what to say to her. I'd barley survived being her roomate, so what do I talk to her about?

I unloaded point blank with both barrels and asked her why she lived like she did. I also told her to cut the crap and give me a straight answer. I have no ability to harm you, I reminded her, and so you can tell me the truth with no consequences.

It was just an easy way to live she said. Confiremd that it had, in fact, been the way she was going about things, and only added that she cared more about her own comfort and survival than anything else. What was a mystery to me was why she left me relatively unmolested in this practice. She replied that she didn't want to exploit me. Ok...

So I told her that if she shaped up and started making serious efforts to fix things, with no bullshit between us, then she coudl come back and we could hang out again. I expect nothing, I won't be waiting on the line, but if, in the week deadline I've given her to establish that she's got at least a line on a real serious job, then we can have coffee, or something.

I didn't tell her where I live, and I don't think I ever will. She couldn't do anything with the information, but it just seems anathama to me to tell her for some reason. I don't trust her yet. I may not ever again. I do love her, but liking her will have to wait for some proof of serious good intentions.

Wait and see.


Alexey the Sinner

Scream it to the skies: This has gone too far!

Actual headline: "Woman Upset With Screener's Request to Feel Her Breasts.

There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling the transmission...

When do we stop? When do we draw the line? When do we recall the words of Patrick Henry: "Give me Liberty or give me death!" When do we tell the lawmakers, "I would rather die, than live under these laws."

When does it become intolerable? How far will we let them push us?

WHEN WILL WE REFUSE TO FEAR!?

I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!

Alexey the Sinner.

On a personal note, my power steering went out on the way to church Sunday. Today, my mom gave me the money to fix it, and told me that it was no big deal, and that I didn't ask for much, and not to worry about paying it back. I love you mom.

Alex

Yippie Kay Aye!

Don't worry, I'm not going to finish the quote.

I'm just happy that I got to make confession and take communion today. All is well, and the world is right again.

Whoot!

Celebrate, for we have found freedom in Christ our Lord. Who liveth and reigneth with God the Father in the unity of the Holy Spirit, both now and ever, and unto ages of ages.

Amen.

Finally....

Going to church tomorow. And, theoretically, Fr. John knows (explictly) that I want to do confession and communion. There was a little miscommunication on my part last time. I told him I was coming, but not that I wanted to partake of the sacrament. And then I stood there in church like a dolt while he got ready for the service, and didn't tell him I was there. Yeah..better planning this time.


So my sister aparently has a boyfriend. Hold a straight face Alex, this is, porportedly, real. Seriously, no offense meant to her at all, I do love her, but the girl is visious. A recounting of the dialouge between me and my mom when she told me about this is, perhpas, amusing enough to show up here.

Me: "Hello?"
Mom: "Hi. Did I wake you up?"
Me: "Um, no, not really. What's up?"
--here occured a brief discussion about my possible impending purchase of a shotgun, and my taking up the hobby of skeet shooting.
Mom: "Oh also, it occured to me, you've never been to one of your brothers track meets in Reno have you?"
Me: "Ummm, no. I never have."
Mom: "Want to go to one in January?"
--here occured a breif discussion of logistics and a promise from me not to forget.
Mom: "Oh, also, Kindall's coming for a visit next Sunday."
Me: "Oh yeah?"
Mom: "Yes she is (happy sounding). She's brining her boyfriend. (tried unsuccsfully to sneak this in)
Me: (pregnant pause) "...Thats rich."
Mom: (immediately) "I know."
Me: "It's just that I can't immagine anyone actually wanting to be with..no, no check that. Because Tim put up with Andrea for years so I admit it's at least possible...(disbelief) but I just can't immagine what kind of guy..."
Mom: "I know."
Me: "That'd be like wanting to date a great white shark" .
Mom: "I know. She says that he's very quiet, but firm."
Me: "Um... .... ... Ok...."
Mom: "He's been to Iraq once already and he's aparently going back soon, which means he could get killed in the near future."
Me: (a lot more sobre, I had assumed he was another cadet) "Yeah, that's true."


And it is, but I still have a good deal of trouble trying to fathom what kind of guy would attempt to form a serious relationship with the most vendictive person I have ever met.

God forgive me my judgmentalness. I'm just trying to figure this one out.

Alexey the Sinner.

Just keeping our feet on the ground...

http://www.iraqbodycount.net/

That little link was new to me. I discovered it when looking for one which was keeping daily track of the number of US and allied soldiers killed in action. Kind of pales in comparison doesn't it eh?

Also, on the good news front (really) my prayre life seems to have resurected itself. It's still not what it should be for a good Orthodox rule of prayer. But I need to work with Fr. John to map out what a day in prayer for a working guy like me should look like.

Anyhoo...what else...oh yes. A friend of mine (unmarried unfortunately) and his girlfriend just gave birth to what I am told is a very healthy seven pound six ounce baby boy. Congrats to them. I pray that they will get married (this is probably being worked on even now, he is a very level headed guy, just graduated law school). On the upside he has a good job (a lawyer) and she met him at law school I believe, so she is very employable as well. At least I don't fear the kid will starve or be unloved or anything.

And... that's it for now.

Alexey the Sinner.